Friday, July 21, 2006

Live Free, Live Healthy, and Take Pride in Yourself

Compiling from many conversations over years, writing these ideas here gave me hope, purpose, and strength. It is never easy to write something what I am about to. I hope it comes across as not preachy and more an "atta-girl" posting. Since the aim and focus of this blog is on women, and our issues, I will direct the comments to women. However, many pieces can be gleaned and adapted by men as well. Women have borne plenty of the burden of abuse from partners--whether it be emotional, verbal, alcohol, drugs, physical violence, sexual, etc., since time began. And women, too, have abused themselves. There is not one of us that has either been abused or been an abuser in some form. And yes, there are those women have been both. Being one way, the other way or both ways drains us, makes us physically and mentally affected adversely, and affects our ability to heal, thrive, survive and grow. We want those around us to be healthy--maybe if the one we love would change themselves and stop drinking, for example--things would be better. Or, if we just ignore the abuse we've received--rationalizing that, if we overlook a partner's abusive behavior toward us, it can be chalked up to only a bad phase in their life. How many times have you held on to someone who is like this abuser, thinking it is better to have this person than be alone? How many times did you convince yourself that you could change them? How many times have you cried, screamed, been angry, been depressed, been hurt, been manipulated, and been lied to by that person who is this way? How many more times are you going to permit them to bargain with you to give the next chance after a billion or so you already have given them? If you are an abuser of some type, have you done these things too, and what are you doing to bring lasting, healthful, safe, and total renovation of your earthly existence to stop it toward yourself and others around you? You can be happy, and joyful. It will take hard work, sweat, tears, and allowing yourself to learn from others like yourself, to network, to become accountable, to believe via actions (not words) in a new lifestyle. Healing can only occur when you start clearing out inside yourself all that is not okay, that is not healthy, admit yourself that nothing works, and lay out a concrete plan to make the necessary life conversion. You are not here for just yourself--you are here for others --be it parents, spouse, children, friends, and colleagues--we all need you and you need us. None of us have all the answers, or a magic pill, or the ability to snap the fingers and "poof" all is magically better. But together, we can hold up each other, love each other, cry with each other, share ideas with each other, and strengthen each other. Women have an amazing way of connecting, bonding, sharing and networking. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to be open, to learn new ways and explore methods we've used that we declare don't work, and devise new strategies that do. This author spent the majority of her life as a negative person. It was a nasty habit, and it still can happen. It also clouded many wonderful friendships, and impaired relationships. Finding this out opened more things to be worked upon internally. Dealing with anger, self-esteem, and depression management were key components in this amazing personal odyssey to my personal growth. What works for this author will not be the same for the next person. We each much find our personal lifemap, redraw our unique blueprints, and chart new directions. When healthy growth takes place, pain cannot be avoided or evaded (paraphrasing from the late Dr. M. Scott Peck's book "The Road Less Traveled.") If you have been a victim of abuse or an abuser yourself, personal one-on-one therapy is necessary. Being honest with an impartial therapeutic professional is critical to your successful mental health self-care and recovery. Coming clean to those you love and those who have hurt you or you have hurt, is vital. At any rate, life as you have lived, cannot continue without someone eventually being hurt. Saying to yourself that nothing is going on is a great lie--and lying to yourself is worse than lying to someone else. Remember that every storm has an end, and sunny skies appear again--it is your choice to either steer clear after it, or steer again into another one. You are the custodian of your choices, thereby making you the custodian of your consequences. What you keep is what you asked for--no one else is responsible but you. What can you do differently today about your life you haven't done yet that breaks the cycle you are in? Time to start now--tomorrow may never come--don't wait.

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